Sunday, November 30, 2014

Part One of a review of "Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail," Introduction

A review of Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail, by Cheryl Strayed

Part One: Introduction

"Sometimes I'm asked how I deal with the haters. I don't deal with them. I pity them. I don't expect everyone to love my books. In fact, I frankly expect the opposite. (In the history of books, there isn't one everyone loves.) But I must say I marvel at the ugliness it takes to gather one's forces in the direction of what one loathes rather than loves-- to go out of one's way to say to a writer: YOU SUCK. So I send out a little silent non-God-connected prayer to the jackass who felt the need to share his or her jackassed-ness with me. And then, without comment, I zap them forever from this page."

--Cheryl Strayed's Facebook post, October 23, 2013

Before we get to the review of her awful book, allow me to translate her little gem of a Facebook post.

"I'm a 40-something-year-old white lady who uses the word 'haters' because even though I'm a privileged, self-absorbed, upper-class douchebag who is making a crap-ton of money off of my totally falsified memoir, I want to seem hip and edgy. What do I do when somebody has the gall to not love something I've written? I get rid of them immediately because reality is hard and I want no part of that. Instead, I assume that the person who did not love my memoir is probably dumb or mentally handicapped in some way and is worthy of pity because I am awesome and anyone who doesn't love me or anything I've written obviously has something wrong with them. I will now completely contradict myself with some false modesty and say that I don't expect *ANYONE* to like my book, and I will justify this by saying that no book in the history of books is universally loved because I want to put myself on the same level as great writers. Also, it really, really, really bothers me when somebody doesn't like my book even though I just tried to tell you otherwise. I hate it SO MUCH. I don't understand why anybody would spend time expressing their disapproval of anything, because being happy and positive about everything is so much better than expressing an opinion someone else won't like, especially when that person is me.  Since I want to garner approval from the widest audience possible, I will say something that makes no sense whatsoever, like, 'I send out a little silent non-God-connected prayer to the jackass' who didn't like my book, which I assume will appeal to both religious people (see how I capitalized 'God') and non-religious people (see how I said 'non-God-connected prayer').  Please don't notice how I called every critic of my book a jackass, or how I don't elaborate on what exactly this 'prayer' entails.  But whatever, if you don't tell me how awesome I am-- if you actually have an opinion that differs from what I believe about myself-- I will delete you and your comments from my page because I don't want any of my clueless fans to see an opinion from someone who actually knows what he/she is talking about in regards to hiking the PCT.  I can't have anyone openly pointing out my obvious lies, so I will immediately delete whatever reality they tried to introduce on my page."

Meet Cheryl Strayed.

"Strayed," incidentally, is the last name Cheryl chose for herself upon the finalization of her divorce.  She chose this name because she was a lying, cheating whore who had sex with multiple men while still married to her seemingly perfect husband, and she thought it would be incredibly clever to give herself the last name "Strayed" because...wait for it...she STRAYED in her marriage.

If you don't hate her a little bit already, you should probably refrain from reading all future posts on this book review and go waste your money on her bullshit memoir.  You'll just love it. 

And Cheryl, if you're reading this, good luck "zapping" it out of existence.